Too Far
by ishallcallhimsquishy
Summary: Rachel's struggling with cutting and anorexia and passes out during Glee, can Santana and Quinn help her, or has the brunette already gone too far? Warning: Depression, self harm, and anorexia. Rated M for possible later chapters
1. Rachel's Secret

Okay, so I know I should be updating my other story, and I will, but I wanted to try something different.

Pezberry!

Warning:  
Depression, self harm, and anorexia.

Disclaimer:  
I don't own Glee.

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**Santana's POV**

I sat in my usual spot next to Brittany during Glee. I looked up and glanced around the room, noticing something was off, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it, until Rachel walked through the doors fifteen minutes late, closely followed by Mr. Schuester.

"Okay guys," Mr. Schue said excitedly, clapping his hands together. "Today we're going to work on choreography. We're going to be picking partners randomly… okay, so Kurt with Quinn." Kurt stood up, and sat next to a disappointed looking Quinn.

"Tina, with Sam…" Tina and Sam moved together, and sat down.

"Finn, and Mercedes." The pair sat together, as more and more names were put together. In the end, all that was left was me and Rachel.

"You have got to be kidding me!" I yelled at the teacher, "Me and the midget? That is not happening."

"Sorry Santana, but it's just for a day." Rachel didn't seem to notice what was going on, and just stood up, and walked over to me when the music started.

"Try anything RuPaul, and I will cut you, got it?" Again, the brunette didn't seem to notice, and just began dancing. Halfway through the number, Rachel began stumbling with her footwork, and became quickly out of breath. I looked up at her, and saw how unusually pale her tan face had become. "Manhands, what's going on?" I asked, becoming slightly concerned.

"Nothing," Rachel mumbled in a hoarse voice. I eyed her suspiciously, and kept a close eye on her for the rest of the song. She began stumbling more and more, and by the time the song was over, she was panting for breath. Mr. Schue let us take a break before the next song, and rushed out of the room to get the sheet music he left in the teachers lounge.

Quinn walked up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. "What did you say to treasure trail?" She asked in a whisper. "She looks… broken, now."

"I didn't say anything," I whispered back "But she kept messing up during the song, I think she's sick or something." Quinn turned around and walked back to Kurt as Mr. Schue entered the room again, holding a stack of papers.

"Okay guys, let's start the next song, everyone, get in your positions."

Rachel quickly stood up, and started walking towards the door, mumbling something under her breath about forgetting something in her locker. As soon as the brunette exited the room, I followed her out, saying something similar.

Once I was out in the hallways, I saw Rachel's body start to shake, as she began swaying back and forth. She quickly leaned against the lockers, before taking a deep breath, and beginning to walk again. The diva took two steps before falling to the floor. I ran to her side, and picked her up, noticing how clearly I could feel her ribs through her clothes, and how light she was. I walked outside of the door to Glee, and gently lay Rachel down on the ground. I looked through the window, and got Quinn's attention, frantically motioning for her to come help me. She stood up, said something to Mr. Schue, and opened the door, closing it behind me.

"Okay Santana," the blond said, irritably, "What's so important that you made me… what the…" Quinn was cut off halfway through her rant when she saw Rachel passed out on the floor. She looked up at me with concern in her eyes. "Bathroom, now," She turned and abruptly started walking toward the bathroom. I quickly picked up the brunette and followed her.

Once we were in the bathroom, I sat Rachel upright against the wall. I looked up at the diva's sleeping face. She had dark bags under her eyes, and her cheekbones stuck out farther than I remembered. Her clothes didn't sit right on her body either. What fit her a month ago was too big for her now. Quinn kneeled down next to me, also noticing these changes. She gently grabbed the bottom of Rachel's shirt, and lifted it up, revealing her clearly ribs visibly sticking out, and cuts covering her stomach. My eyes widened, and I heard Quinn gasp behind me. Quinn dropped her shirt back into place, and rolled up her sleeve, revealing more cuts on her forearm I stood up to go get some paper towels, before returning to her side and wiping the sweat off her forehead. Rachel moaned and slowly opened her eyes. She looked at us in confusion until she realized what had happened. She stood up quickly, making her grab her head in pain and dropping down to her knees. Quinn kneeled down and repositioned the shaking brunette so she was sitting against the wall again.

"How'd I… how'd I get here?" Rachel asked in a quivering voice.

"You fainted in the hallway, Berry." I said, kneeling besides her. "I carried you to the bathroom, figuring you wouldn't want people to see you passed out on the ground."

"Rachel?" Quinn spoke up, "When was the last time you ate? Or slept?"

"I-I ate during l-lunch," Rachel stuttered.

"Really?" Quinn asked "Because, I didn't see you in the lunch room."

"I ate in the choir room… so I could p-practice…" The diva mumbled.

"Then, would you mind telling me what you ate?" Quinn replied, not convinced.

"I… I…" Rachel whispered, looking scared.

"That's what I thought." Quinn said, standing up, "Don't move, I'll be right back." And with that, Quinn left the bathroom.

I turned to look at the cowering brunette, who was beginning to curl up into a ball. "How long?" I asked.

"What?" Rachel asked, refusing to meet my gaze.

"How long have you been doing this?" I asked again.

"I don't know what you're talking about," The brunette mumbled, looking down at her lap.

"Oh for God's sake Berry, how long have you been starving yourself?" I half-yelled at the shocked looking diva.

"I-I'm not…" Rachel muttered, her lip beginning to quiver.

"You're not, huh?" I asked, trying to calm myself down, "Then how come your ribs are sticking out so far, huh? Oh, and what about when I carried you in here? It felt like if I wasn't careful, you'd break in my arms! You can't tell me you're okay when you're so… not!" Before Rachel could say anything, Quinn came through the door with a paper bag in her hands.

"I didn't have time to finish my lunch today, because coach made us stay late after practice. Now, eat." Quinn said, handing Rachel half a sandwich, a bag of chips, and a soda.

"I'm not hungry," Rachel whispered under her breath, staring at the food in her hands.

"I don't care if you're hungry or not," I said, "If you don't start eating in the next ten seconds, I will **make** you eat." The diva shot me a weak glare, before reluctantly taking a small bite of the sandwich.

When the sandwich and half the soda was gone, she pushed the rest of the food away, and began to stand up.

"No way," I said, grabbing her hand, and leading her back into a sitting position. "You're going to finish the rest of that lunch."

"But…" Rachel began.

"No buts Rachel, you're going to eat." Quinn said pushing the food back towards her. Rachel hesitantly grabbed the bag of chips and opened it, eating slowly, and taking small sips of the soda. Once the food was gone, the brunette stood up, but began to stumble. Quinn grabbed Rachel's arm, and put it around her shoulder, leading her out to my car.

"What about my car?" Rachel mumbled when we sat her in the passenger seat.

"We'll come back for that later Berry," I replied, getting behind the wheel. "There is no way you can drive right now." Rachel grunted in disapproval, but sat back, relaxing into my seat.

"Are your dads home Rachel?" Quinn asked from the back seat.

"No," Rachel replied sleepily "My dad works from seven to ten, and my daddy's in Hawaii."

"Do they know about… what you're doing?" The blonde asked.

"What?" Rachel asked, her eyes shooting open, "No! I mean… there's nothing for them to know about…" The brunette said, in a scared voice. "They wouldn't care anyways…"

I felt bad for Rachel, and when I looked at Quinn I saw that she was concerned for the brunette too. I turned on my car, and headed towards Rachel's house, remembering the address from countless toilet paper and egging pranks. The car ride was silent, and halfway there, I heard deep, even breathing coming from the seat next to me, telling me that Rachel had fallen asleep.

Once we arrived at her house, I got out of the driver's seat, while Quinn carried the sleeping brunette up to the door. I easily found the hidden key under her mat and opened the door. Quinn laid Rachel down on the couch, since we didn't know which room was hers and we didn't want Rachel to think we were snooping. I didn't want to wake the diva up, the dark bags under her eyes made it look like she hadn't slept in days. I sat in a chair next to the couch and Quinn sat on the couch next to Rachel. Now we just had to wait for her to wake up.

After two hours had passed, and Rachel still hadn't woken up, we decided to find her room so she could sleep in her bed. It really wasn't that hard, there was only one door on the second floor that had a huge gold star on it. When I entered her room, it was surprisingly normal, except for the elliptical in the corner of course. Her walls were yellow and covered in Broadway posters, she had her own private bathroom, and she had a queen sized bed up against her wall. We gently laid her down on her bed and sat down next to her.

Quinn looked up at me with a guilty look on her face. "I would've never of been so mean to her if I knew she was going to take it this far." The blonde said, looking down at her hands.

"Yeah," I replied, looking down at the brunette, "But I have a feeling that it took a lot more than just us to make her do this. Whenever we made fun of her at school, the names and the slushies didn't seem to bug her that much."

"You're right," Quinn said, "But all the making fun of her sure wasn't doing anything to make her feel better either."

"We need to wait for her to wake up," I said. "I mean I know me and Berry aren't… friends… okay we hate each other. But this is not okay, for anyone. She doesn't deserve this."

Quinn nodded her head, and looked at Rachel, as we waited for her to wake up.

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Okay, I know I'm writing another story too, but I just wanted to try this. Haha so read and review.

QUESTION:  
1. Should this be like a two or three shot or an actual story?


	2. Confession

Okay, sorry if its not that good, its kinda late haha

WARNING:  
Contains self harm, anorexia, and depression.

DISCLAIMER:  
Glee belongs to Fox and Ryan Murphy. I'm just... borrowing it... haha

* * *

**Santana's POV**

After hours of waiting, I heard a soft moan come from the bed as the sheets began to shuffle. I looked up at Rachel and saw the brunette squint her eyes in confusion, which quickly changed to a look of realization, and anger. Rachel scrambled out of bed and stood up with a mad expression crossing her face.

"What are you guys doing here? How'd you get in my house? Is this another one of your stupid pranks to lower me even farther down the social pyramid?" the diva screamed at us.

"Rachel, were not going to hurt you, we're here to help." Quinn said soothingly, beginning to stand up.

"No!" The brunette yelled close to tears, "I don't need your help! I'm f-fine." As Rachel yelled at us, her words got weaker and weaker, and you could tell she was having a hard time keeping herself up in a standing position.

"Berry, if you were fine, you wouldn't be starving yourself, and passing out during school." I paused, noticing the small girl was beginning to shake. "Get back into your bed." I added, sounding concerned, I started to walk towards here. Rachel walked backwards and braced herself against the wall as her breathing became labored.

"I-I'm f-fine." Rachel whispered under her breath as her eyes closed and her body went limp. I caught her before she could hit the floor and carried her back to her bed, laying her down under her covers.

"Dammit! We need to make her eat the next time she wakes up!" I yelled angrily after feeling the brunette's boney ribs. I looked up to meet Quinn's concerned eyes.

Quinn pulled out her phone and quickly typed out a text message, before returning it to her pocket. "It's getting late," She mumbled, "We might as well stay here the night. I texted my mom to let her know I was here."

I nodded and pulled out my phone, to see that it was already 10 o'clock. I sent my mom a quick text before putting my phone away. "We need to stay in Berry's room, just to make sure she doesn't try anything crazy during the night." I said, looking over at the sleeping diva. I heard Quinn mumble in agreement before I quickly walked over to the bed, and got under the covers next to Rachel.

"What are you doing?" Quinn hissed from across the room. "It might be just me, but I think that waking up next to your arch enemy after fainting has got to be a little terrifying."

"Relax Q, this way we can make sure she doesn't try to get out of bed during the night. Now get in bed." I mumbled sleepily to Quinn.

Quinn growled in disagreement, but crawled under the covers next to the brunette anyways. Once we were in bed, I pulled the covers up and quickly fell asleep. After sleeping for a couple hours, I woke up hearing whimpers coming from besides me, as I felt the mattress shift positions. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, and saw Quinn was awake too. I looked at the brunette who was sleeping between us, tossing and turning in her sleep, and emitting soft whimpers. She had a layer of sweat coating her forehead, but when I reached over to shake Rachel's shoulder, Quinn stopped me.

"Don't S." She whispered in concern. "If she wakes up, she'll freak out, and pass out again." I sighed, and let go of Rachel's shoulder. I lay back down and began to fall asleep again, but Rachel's soft whimpers turned into loud, frantic moans. I turned around to face the brunette, and saw how terrified she looked. I bit my lip and refrained myself from waking the small diva up. I closed my eyes and tried to make myself fall asleep, but Rachel yelled out in her sleep and curled into a ball. I sat up again and looked at Quinn, who was looking at Rachel with a sad expression, also trying to keep herself from waking her. I tired to relax into the bed, and was taken by surprise when Rachel desperately wrapped her arms around me and buried her face into my neck. I looked up at Quinn in shock, and was met with a pleading expression, telling me not to push her away. I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around the brunette and pulled her in closer. I was relieved when she began to calm down and her breathing evened out. Quinn smiled graciously and mouthed a 'thank you'. I nodded and let the diva snuggle into me, while I fell asleep.

**

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**

I woke up when I felt the sheets quickly moved besides me as my arms were being repositioned. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Rachel frantically trying to get out of bed looking scared. When she saw I had waken up, she jumped out of bed, slipping out of my grasp, me and Quinn tried to grab her, but she bolted to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

"Shit!" I yelled out loud, knowing Rachel would be able to hear. I walked next to the bathroom door and leaned against the wall, waiting for Rachel to come out.

I listened through the door, and heard Rachel cry out in relief, and sigh loudly. I knew exactly what the brunette was doing in there, and there was no way I could stop her. I slid down the wall into a sitting position, and silently prayed nothing she wouldn't go to far. Once the sighing and cries died down, I heard the water in the sink turn on, and something being thrown in the garbage can. Quinn sat down on the floor next to me, and buried her face in her hands, taking deep breaths. After a couple more minutes, Rachel exited the bathroom, looking completely relaxed, and threw herself on her bed. Me and Quinn quickly stood up and entered the bathroom, seeing a towel with blood on it thrown in the corner, and a razor with blood left on it in the trash bin. We walked up to Rachel and I gently lifted her shirt off, revealing a new cut on her stomach, and two on her left arm. The brunette didn't look like she noticed we had taken her shirt off, she just laid on her bed with a look of relief on her face. After a few minutes, she stood up to go get a shirt on, showing us more cuts that lay on her lower back. I took a deep breath, and I heard Quinn whimper beside me.

I cautiously walked towards the brunette and stood next to her. "Rachel?" I asked.

"Yes?" the brunette answered lazily.

"You need to stop this." I replied, looking her in the eyes.

"Why would I do that?" Rachel asked in a carefree way.

"You're going to kill yourself like this!" I snapped, immediately trying to cool off.

"Santana, I can assure you that I will be fine."

"Fine?" I asked the diva, "Rachel, you're anything but fine, and you have to stop doing this to yourself." The high the brunette was on began to wear off, as she stepped away from her dresser after slipping on a shirt.

"You think I don't know what could happen?" the brunette asked icily. "Santana, I have no friends, in case you haven't noticed. I tried to deal with everything the best I could, but it's too much! I could handle school, and the bullying, but after… IT happened, I couldn't take anymore" the diva's voice wavered close to tears, she paused and took a deep breath, "The point is, who am I suppose to turn to when things get rough, huh? Who's there to help me when I need help? No one! Because no one cares about me! I'm Rachel fucking Berry for crying out loud!" She launched herself into her bed and cried into the covers.

Me and Quinn exchanged concerned glances. We had no idea the diva would sink this low. I let Quinn do most of the talking, since I wasn't good at the comforting shit. "Rachel, you can't keep doing this. I'm sorry about all of the names, and slushies, I had no idea…"Quinn sighed and sat next to Rachel. "Rachel, we're going to be here for you, we're going to help you through this, okay?"

Rachel's head shot up and glared at Quinn and me, "How do I know this isn't another one of your pranks? How do I know there's not some hidden camera somewhere that's videotaping everything, huh?"

"Berry," I said, sitting on the other side of Rachel, "I know we've done some really harsh things to you before, but do you really think we'd let the whole school know what you're doing, and risk you killing yourself?" That didn't come out as smoothly as I had planned, but it seemed to get the message across. The diva's body crumpled and she collapsed onto her bed sobbing. Quinn rubbed her back soothingly, as I took her hand. After Rachel had calmed down, she sat up on her bed. I suddenly remembered how skinny the brunette was and stood up. "How about we make some breakfast and go eat now, okay?" I asked the diva. Rachel nodded and stood up, and we headed downstairs to the kitchen.

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Okay, so how was it? Haha read and review

QUESTIONS:

1. What do you think should've happened to Rachel to lead her to this? I really have no idea, lol and abuse/rape from a former boyfriend is out of the question, because that's what's happening in my other fic, haha


	3. Too Deep

Sorry for not updating sooner, I had to study for finals :)

WARNING:  
Contains self harm, anorexia, and depression.

DISCLAIMER:  
Glee belongs to Fox and Ryan Murphy.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

Once we had reached the bottom of the stairs, Rachel was already panting for breath. Me and Quinn exchanged worried glances, as Rachel began to stumble. I swept her off her feet and carried her to her couch, gently putting her down. The brunette's eyes began to flutter, and she looked like she was about to faint again.

"Rachel," Quinn began softly, kneeling next to the diva, "You can't fall asleep, you need to eat something."

"Not hungry," Rachel mumbled, slurring her words.

"Rach- Berry," I mumbled quickly, trying to cover up my mistake with a cough. Quinn looked at me suspiciously but turned her attention back to Rachel. "You're right, you're not hungry," I paused, looking at the tiny brunette, "You're not hungry, you're starving. Quinn's going to get you something to eat, and I'm going to stay here, okay." Rachel remained motionless, but mumbled some incoherent words; Quinn glared at me, but got up and headed to the kitchen. I sighed and sat next to Rachel. "Berry," I whispered, trying to sound comforting, "Where are you're dads? I thought you said they would be here last night, and they weren't."

Rachel nervously glanced around the room, refraining to look at me. "W-well, like I said yesterday, my daddy's in New York and my dad probably had to stay the night at the hospital to work an extra shift."

"Rachel?" I asked, not caring if I said her name at this point, "Yesterday you said your daddy was in Hawaii, how's he in New York now?"

Rachel's eyes widened considerably. "I…I… he…" she stuttered. Her breathing became labored as she started to panic. Tears began streaming down her cheeks, and I quickly repositioned her into a sitting position, and put my hand over her chest, trying to get her to calm down.

"Rachel," I said soothingly, "Breath, just calm down," Quinn walked into the room, and saw the diva in the middle of a panic attack. She nearly dropped the tray of food as she rushed to Rachel's side; she grabbed the brunette's hand and placed it on her chest.

"Rach," she whispered calmly, "focus on my breathing, just calm down, breathe in, out." She took a few deep breaths and Rachel finally began to relax. The brunette covered her face with her hands, and leaned back into the sofa. She took a few shaky breaths before completely leaning into my body.

"Rachel? Where are your dads? And I want the truth this time." The brunette shook her head, before trying to regain her composure and sitting up.

"You guys need to leave." She stated; her voice shaky. "Please, just… go." Her bottom lip began to tremble, as her voice cracked.

Quinn put her arms around the diva, and whispered quietly in her ear. "Rach, we're not going to leave you." Rachel broke out of the blonde's grip, and stood up, steadying herself on the chair, her body shaking.

"Just… just… can you please leave me alone? I… at-at least go upstairs, ok?" I glanced over at Quinn in concern, who just gave me a sad smile, and nodded slightly. Me and Quinn quietly got up and headed upstairs. I glanced backwards and saw Rachel collapse onto her sofa, sobbing. We headed into Rachel's room and sat on her bed. Quinn exhaled shakily, as she laid back.

I angrily punched the covers and covered my face with my hands. "What are we gonna do?" I moaned, as I flopped onto the bed. That when I noticed the mail that was strewn across her desk. I knew I shouldn't invade her privacy like this, but I couldn't help it. I picked up the first envelope; it was addressed to Ms. Rachel Berry, from Lima Ohio Memorial Services. I raised an eyebrow, and pulled the letter out of the already opened envelope.

_Ms. Rachel Berry,_

_We are sorry to hear about the loss of your fathers, Mr. Leroy and Hiram Berry. Their memorial service will be held on the 15__th__ of February, and we will mail you later to discuss what was left to you in the will. You should be happy to learn that the house was fully paid for, and left under your name. The state has given you legal permission to live alone, even though you are underage, as long as you continue school. Again, we give our sincere apologize, and wish you the best of luck._

_-Lima Memorial Services CEO  
__Chad Wilson_

I stared at the letter for a few minutes, my mouth hanging open. Quinn noticed that something had happened and grabbed the note out of my hand, reading it for herself.

"Oh, God," she muttered under her breath, her face turning pale. I turned my attention to the next, already opened envelope, and pulled out the letter. This one was a hand written note, and I quickly read it.

_Dear Rachel,_

_I am so sorry you have lost your dads in such a horrible way! I can only imagine how terrible you must feel! I am so thankful that you aren't hurt, and that you were saved in time, you are so lucky your dad's would risk their life for you. I will visit the week the funeral is held, and I will be staying in a hotel a couple miles away from your house. If you are having any problems, send me a letter. I am more than happy to help you in any way._

_Love,  
__Aunt Betty_

I stared at the letter in disbelief before handing it to Quinn, once she had finished reading; she stared at me in astonishment. "I… they… we need to…" Before the blonde could finish her sentence, I bolted out the door and ran downstairs.

Rachel was no longer in the living room, but I heard a slight shuffling sound emanate from the bathroom, and saw the door was slightly agape. I quietly walked to the door, with Quinn silently trailing me. I opened the door, and saw Rachel sitting on her toilet seat, her eyes closed, and her face looked completely relaxed and blissful. Her shirt was rolled up, barely covering her bra, the razor in her hand was making a long deep cut, starting on her right hip bone and leading up to beneath her left breast. She quickly inhaled once the blade had left her stomach. She rolled up her left sleeve, but before she could start another cut, I was by her side, grabbing the razor out of her hands. The brunette didn't seem to care; she just relaxed onto the toilet seat with a goofy grin on her face. Blood from the cut she had made was turning the bottom half of her shirt a solid red. I turned around to grab a towel off of the rack, and saw the color completely drained out of Quinn's face.

"Q?" I asked the blond, who just stood, staring. "Why don't you wait upstairs in Rachel's room, I'll take care of this and bring her up in a minute, okay?" Quinn nodded, turned around, and walked out of the bathroom and upstairs. I turned my attention back to Rachel and lifted her shirt up. I laid her on the ground before running the towel under cold water, rinsing it off, and pressing it gently against her stomach. The brunette groaned at the pain, and the towel quickly filled with blood. "Shit Rachel!" I half yelled, getting a different towel. "You went way to deep this time!"

"I know," Rachel slurred happily, not really caring about what was happening. Rachel's cut didn't stop bleeding, and showed no signs of letting up.

"Fuck!" I yelled, applying more pressure to the wound, as Rachel yelled out in pain, "You know, we might have to call an ambulance, this thing needs stitches," I growled, pushing on the towel. The diva's eyes widened at my words, and tried to stand up, but I grabbed her wrist, not letting her move.

"N-no!" she stuttered weakly, "Y-you can't."

"I can't?" I hissed at the diva, "The how the fuck are we suppose to close this up? Huh?" Rachel's face began to go pale from the blood loss, so I pushed harder into her stomach. I knew I had to help her somehow, so I pulled out my phone. I dialed 911, but stopped when I heard Rachel whimper. I angrily deleted the number and called the first number I could think of.

"Hello?" The bubbly voice came from the receiver.

"B?" I yelled frantically, "You know where Berry lives, right?"

"Yeah," the tall blond answered through the phone, noticing the desperate tone in my voice. "Why?"

"I'll tell you later, Britt, you need to go to the store and buy gauze pads, disinfecting lotion, medical tape, an ace bandage, and like five boxes of butterfly stitches, and you need to be fast." I mumbled quickly, applying more pressure to Rachel's stomach, making her gasp. I heard the ditzy blonds' quick footsteps, and a car start up.

"K," Brittany said, sensing my urgency, as she began to drive and shut off her phone.

* * *

Five minutes later, I was still pressing against Rachel's stomach with my fourth towel. She was gasping in pain, but the bleeding had begun to subside. I knew I should've taken her to a hospital, but if I did, she'd more than likely lose her house. I heard the doorbell ring, and Quinn run down the stairs to answer it. Brittany quickly arrived in the bathroom. When she saw Rachel struggling beneath me, and the pile of bloody towels by my side, she dropped the bags on the floor, and leaned over the sink, beginning to heave; but nothing came up, thanks to the new cheerleading diet. The tall blonde had well toned muscles, and looked strong, but she had a weak stomach. Quinn grabbed the bags, and handed them to me, trying to ignore the pile of towels on the floor. She was quickly by Brittany's side, rubbing her back. I grabbed a wet towel that was lying next to me, and quickly lifted the one I was currently pressing into the brunette off her. I wiped the extra blood off her stomach, and saw she was still bleeding, but not as heavily. I grabbed the disinfectant, and as gently as I could, rubbed it over Rachel's cut, making her scream and loudly sob in pain. The force of her yells almost knocked me backwards as the diva tried to struggle out of my grasp. I felt bad to cause Rachel so much pain, but it needed to be done.

I looked back at Brittany and Quinn, pleading for help. Quinn instantly walked in front of the diva, pinning her arms down. Tears were streaming down Rachel's face as she shrieked in pain. Brittany's face was turned away from the scene, and she was quietly crying as well. After I had applied enough of the cream, I tore open a box of butterfly stitches, applying them all to her wound. I opened another box, and another. On my fourth box, they finally had covered most of Rachel's cut. The brunette looked, and sounded, as if she was going to pass out from the pain, and bucked up against Quinn's hold. Her wet, brown locks were sticking to her forehead, due to a thick layer of sweat. Quinn was biting her lower lip, looking pale herself. As gently as I could, I laid the gauze pads over the butterfly stitches, and taped them down with medical tape, causing more screams to erupt from the extremely pale brunette.

I tightly wrapped the ace bandage around her abdomen, to keep pressure on her cut. Rachel was sobbing loudly, weakly trying to escape our grasps. Once I was finished, me and Quinn released our hold on the screaming diva, leaning back into the wall from exhaustion. She quickly stood up, but her knees gave way, and she crumbled onto the floor in a sobbing heap. Brittany had gotten over the sight of so much blood, and gently picked the shirtless brunette up, carrying her to her room. Quinn and me followed, and the tall blonde set Rachel on her bed. She was pale as a ghost from the loss of blood, and was clutching her stomach in agonizing pain. Rachel began to drift off into an uneasy sleep, as Brittany turned to face us.

"We need to talk," Brittany said in deep concern, her voice shaking.

* * *

Sorry for the long time without updates, but this one's longer haha


	4. Helping Hand

Okay, so here you go, sorry about the long wait, here it is

WARNING:  
Contains self harm, anorexia, and depression.

DISCLAIMER:  
Glee belongs to Fox and Ryan Murphy.

**Santana's POV

* * *

**

"We need to talk" Brittany said shakily. I nodded my head and me and Quinn followed the tall blonde into the hallway. I gently closed the door behind me as I turned to face Brittany. The tall blonde took a deep breath, and looked me in the eyes. "What happened?" She asked, her voice wavering.

"Do you remember the day we left early from Glee?" I asked. Brittany slowly nodded her head. "Well… Rachel… fainted, in the hallway, so we carried her to the bathroom and we noticed that she was so much skinnier, and she had cuts on her arms and stomach, so we waited for her to wake up, and I brought her home…" I paused, and looked up at Brittany, who just nodded again, starting to look pale. "She fell asleep in the car, so we carried her inside and brought her in her room. When she woke up, she freaked out and passed out again, she didn't wake up, so we stayed here with her, and in the morning she ran into the bathroom and…" I trailed off, and touched my forearm. The tall blond got the message, and nodded again. "When she came out, we got her to go downstairs to eat with us, I asked her where her dads were, and she had a panic attack. We got her to calm down and she made us go upstairs. I found some letters on her desk, so I read them… not that I would normally do that, but it seemed like the best thing to do… and they were about a funeral for her dads," My voice cracked, and I took a deep breath, Brittany was shocked, and her skin turned even paler. "We went downstairs, and heard her in the bathroom, and found her cutting…" I stopped, and traced a line over my stomach, looking up at Brittany again.

The tall blond looked at me in disbelief. She leaned against the wall, before shifting her gaze to Quinn, then back to me again. Brittany was about to say something, but her voice caught in her throat when we heard a loud thud come from Rachel's room.

We burst through the door, and my breathing hitched when I saw the brunette curled up in a ball on the floor, holding a picture of her and her dads. I slowly walked to her side, and knelt down next to her. I gently took the portrait out of her hands, and placed it on the nightstand. I wrapped my arms around her, and lifted her up, gently placing her on her bed. I stood up to move away, but the crying brunette clung to my arm, and weakly tried to pull me closer. She lifted her head and looked at me. I saw the hurt and despair in her eyes, and it made my heart brake. Softly, I lifted the covers and crawled into bed next to her. The diva wrapped her arms around me, pulling me closer, and buried her face into my chest. Her tiny frame was convulsing with sobs as she snuggled into me. I glanced up at Brittany and Quinn; they looked shocked, and gave me a sad smile. Rachel pulled her head away, and had stopped sobbing. I brushed the hair out of her face as she relaxed into the mattress.

"I'm sorry," Rachel whispered shakily.

"What are you sorry for Rachel?" I asked gently, looking at her tear streaked face.

"For bothering you," the brunette mumbled, her voice beginning to quiver.

"You aren't bothering us Rach," I said reassuringly, rubbing the smaller girl's back. "We're going to help you through this, okay?" Rachel nodded and snuggled into me again, beginning to calm down. The diva's breathing evened out, and her body relaxed. Her grip on me loosened as she began to fall asleep. Once I was sure she was asleep, I turned my head to look at the two girls. "Quinn, can you go downstairs and get Rachel something to eat? I can fell her ribs through her clothes." I grimaced, and looked back at the sleeping diva. Quinn nodded her head and hurried out of the room. Brittany walked beside me and sat on the bed.

"I didn't know that she was…" Her voice was wavering, and she gently placed a hand on Rachel's back.

"It's okay Britt." I replied, "None of us did."

Quinn walked back into the room with the tray she was previously carrying downstairs. She handed it to me, and took a seat on the other side of the bed, next to Rachel. I placed my hands on Rachel's shoulders and gently began shaking her.

"Rach," I mumbled softly, "Rachel wake up. We got you some food." The brunette groaned, and slowly began to open her eyes. She saw the tray of food and snuggled deeper into me.

"I don't want to eat," she mumbled quietly.

"Rachel, you have to eat something, you haven't eaten since yesterday." I replied soothingly, running my fingers through her hair. She reluctantly pulled away from me, and began to sit up. I grabbed the tray of food and rested it in my lap. I peeled the banana, and handed it to Rachel, who took a small bite, and chewed slowly. I spread some peanut butter over a bagel, and handed it to her, along with a glass of orange juice. Once the banana, juice, and half the bagel were eaten, I carefully placed the tray back on the nightstand as the diva lay back down. She grabbed me around the shoulders and pulled me back down under the covers. She buried her head into the crook of my neck as Brittany and Quinn lay down next to us. Rachel began to fall asleep again, as Quinn put her arms around the brunette's back. The diva relaxed into the other girl's embrace and quickly drifted off.

* * *

Sorry for the short chapter, I had a surgery, and I'm still on meds, witch is messing with my brain. Sorry if it's kinda choppy. Will update soon REVIEW!


	5. Brittany's Secret

I'm soooo sorry for the wait, I was grounded, but here you go oh and from now on instead of saying POV I'm just saying the person's name. (thnx to Raibean for the tip (: )

WARNING:  
Contains self harm, anorexia, and depression.

DISCLAIMER:  
Glee belongs to Fox and Ryan Murphy. I am neither.

* * *

**Santana**

A couple minutes after Rachel fell asleep; I turned to lie on my back, covering my face with my hands. I sat up and turned to look at the tiny diva. Brittany took a deep breath from behind me, before shifting positions on the bed.

"Can I see?" Brittany asked softly. I turned to face the tall blonde.

"See what Britt?" I asked, staring into her concerned eyes.

"You know, the…" She paused, and looked over at Rachel. "The cuts," she whispered in a quivering voice.

I turned back to look at the sleeping brunette before turning back to Brittany. "I don't know B, some of them are pretty bad… and we don't even know if there are more on her… her legs." I said in concern, looking down at the floor.

"Shouldn't we check then? To see any of them got infected?"

I took a deep breath, looking back up at Brittany. "You're right, we should make sure. But you guys can't stay in here if you don't think you can handle it… we need to be strong for her right now." I looked from Brittany, over to Quinn, who was moving over to a chair. I got off of the bed, and rolled Rachel onto her back, before gently shaking her shoulders. "Rachel, wake up." I whispered gently, and sliding her covers down.

The brunette groaned, and slowly opened her eyes, which were still slightly red and puffy from crying. "Hmmm?" she mumbled drowsily, before sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

"We need to check you," I mumbled quietly, watching her eyes widen in fear.

"F-for what?" she stuttered, looking down at her covers and pulling her blankets up further.

"Cuts," I whispered gently, softly pulling her blankets back down.

"Y-you don't need t-to." Rachel mumbled in a small voice, refusing to meet my gaze.

"Rach…" I said soothingly, lifting her head to look me in the eyes. "Yes, we do." The diva slumped her shoulders in defeat, as I slowly pulled the blankets down the rest of the way. "Take off your shirt." I said mumble, tugging at her sleeve.

"Please… Don't judge me, okay?" She mumbled in a broken tone. I looked up at Quinn and Brittany, who nodded their heads, before turning back to Rachel.

"We're not going to judge you Rachel; we're here to help you." I said soothingly, taking her hand. The brunette grabbed the bottom of her shirt as her lip began to quiver.

"I'm sorry," she whispered in a trembling tone, before swiftly pulling her shirt off. My eyes widened, and I saw Quinn's hand shoot over her mouth. There were a lot more cuts then I had remembered seeing. There were gashes covering her stomach, ribs, chest, arms, and back. I heard Brittany softly whimper behind me, as Rachel hung her head, covering her face with her hands. I softly pulled her into a hug, making sure not to touch any of her cuts. I let her cry into my shoulder, before gently pulling away. I inspected the wounds on her torso, and arms, and was relieved to see none of them were infected. The brunette was still crying softly into her hands when I had finished. I brushed her hair out of her face before moving her hands back down to her sides.

I took a deep breath. "Take off your pants, Rach." I whispered, trying to sound strong. The diva's head shot up, and she looked at me with pleading eyes.

"No, its fine, you don't have too…"

"Now, Berry," I cut her off in a stern tone. She looked down in defeat, before sliding her pants down with trembling hands. I closed my eyes, and braced myself before glancing down at Rachel's legs. I couldn't help the gasp that escaped after seeing rows of deep cuts deep into her thighs. I felt Brittany grab my hand from behind me, and I gently gave her a reassuring squeeze. I quickly sent a prayer that nothing was infected before leaning down and checking her cuts. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding after confirming everything was clean. The brunette was still crying when I had finished checking and I wrapped her in a loose hug, followed by Quinn and Brittany. After her cries had died down to soft sniffles, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up.

"I'm going to take a shower." She mumbled quietly, beginning to walk to the bathroom. I rushed to her side, and followed her.

"I'm coming with you." I said quickly, receiving a dirty glare from the diva, but no objections.

After we had entered the bathroom, I shut the door behind us, and caught Rachel staring longingly at the razor lying on the counter. I walked up to the counter, grabbed the razor, and tossed it into the trash can under the sink, before turning back to look at the diva. Rachel looked about ready to dig through the trash can just to get the razor back, and dejectedly turned away, starting a shower. Before she stepped into the shower, I stopped her and made sure she wasn't hiding anymore razors in the shower, before letting her get in. When she stepped into the tub, I began going through her drawers, and threw out a pack of razors, and two blades I had found. I grabbed the trash can before exiting the room, to make sure there were no temptations Rachel could give in to.

As soon as I stepped out of the bathroom, Brittany I walked over to Brittany and Quinn who were sitting on the bed. "How is she?" Quinn asked, looking at me with concern.

"I'm not going to lie to you," I said, taking a deep breath. "It's really bad. This isn't going to be easy." I showed them the razors and blades I'd found, and heard a deep sob rip through Brittany. I turned to look at the tall blonde and found her sobbing into her arms with her knees pulled up to her chest. I gently wrapped my arms around the Dutch girl and soothingly rubbed her back. Her sobs had stopped, and she was taking deep breaths. She looked up at me with watery eyes and swallowed.

"She's j-just like my brother." Brittany whispered, her voice wavering.

"What do you mean Britt?" I asked gently, taking her hand.

"He had c-cuts just like hers," she continued, looking ready to breakdown again. "We s-sent him to a d-doctor, we th-thought he was getting better." She buried her head into her arms again, her lip began to quiver. "I came home from school one day, I f-found him in his room." The tall blond began crying freely again. "There was s-so much blood." She choked out between sobs. "The ambulance c-came and took him to the hospital, but they were t-too late, he was g-gone." She broke into a fit of new sobs, as me and Quinn wrapped our arms around her. I heard the water stop running in the bathroom, and slowly stood up. Quinn, who was still comforting Brittany, waved me towards the bathroom. I gave her a small smile before rushing towards the bathroom.

I quietly opened the door to find Rachel desperately looking through her drawers. I stepped into the bathroom, shut the door behind me, and silently walked next to Rachel. "You're not going to find them." I said loudly, crossing my arms and raising an eyebrow. Rachel jumped and slammed the drawer closed, before turning to me, looking embarrassed. "Rachel…" I said gently, moving my arms to my sides and taking a step forwards. "This isn't helping anything. Do you really want to add to all the damage you've done already?" The brunette stepped backwards and looked up at me with cold eyes.

"You think I haven't tried?" She whispered harshly. "You think taking away the razors is going to make me stop? It's not that easy, Santana! It's not something you can stop doing overnight! Its like heroin, you get addicted to it. You can take away my razors, but I can always find something else to use." She spat venomously.

"I never said this was going to be easy, Berry, but is this really how you want to live your life? And what would your dads think if they saw you doing this? Huh?" I asked sharply, edgier than I had meant to. My last comment had hit Rachel hard, her glare crumbled and she backed into the wall, slid to the floor, curled into a ball, and began to sob into her knees. I sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her. "It's going to be hard, but you're going to have to try." The brunette nodded, before wiping her eyes and standing up. She opened the door and walked back into her room, immediately being attacked by one of Brittany's bear-hugs. She wrapped her arms around her waist and buried her face into her neck, taking comfort in the taller girl's embrace, before being led back to sit on her bed.

* * *

Sorry for the long time no update, I was grounded, but I'll update my other story tomorrow and that's a PROMISE! If I break it, you can break into my house and steal my computer, haha :) Anywho… REVIEW! please?


	6. Playing With Fire

Okay, so here you go, this may be my last update this week, because of school, and stuff, so I'll try to make this one longer.

* * *

**Santana**

I watched as Brittany led Rachel back to the bed, before lying down, and engulfing the tiny diva in another giant hug. Rachel was relaxing into the tall blonde's arms and crying into her neck. Brittany gently stroked Rachel's hair as the brunette began to shake from the force of her sobs. A few silent tears slipped down Brittany's cheeks as she continued comforting Rachel. They remained in the same position for about half an hour before Rachel's breathing began to even out and her body went limp. Brittany gently untangled herself from the diva, and laid her down, pulling the covers up to her shoulders. She turned around to face us and took a shaky breath, she looked down at the ground and her lip began to quiver as her breathing became labored. Me and Quinn immediately rushed to her side and pulled her into a hug, while she tried to get her breathing back under control. Once the tall blonde had settled down, we walked downstairs to the living room, so we could talk without waking Rachel.

Once we reached the living room, we took a seat on the couch. Brittany sat between me and Quinn, and we each wrapped an arm around her. I turned to her and took a deep breath. "You know Britt, if this is too much for you, you can go home. I'd understand if…"

"No," the Dutch girl cut me off, "I want to be here with Rachel, I think I can help her get through this since I… you know…." She looked down at her hands and laid her head against Quinn's shoulder.

"Only if you think you can do this B, this is going to be tough." I said, concerned for the tall blonde.

"Oh trust me San, I know tough." The Dutch girl mumbled in a regretful tone. We sat in silence for a couple minutes, before hearing the phone ring. I reluctantly stood up to answer it, with Quinn and Brittany following closely behind me.

"Hello?"

"_Hi, this is Tony from Lima Memorial Services, is this Rachel Berry?"_ the low male voice asked from the other end.

"No, but I can take a message."

"_Are you family? This information is reserved for relatives only."_

"Yeah, sure, I'm Rachel's… aunt." I replied, retrieving a questioning stare from Quinn, which I quickly returned with a glare.

"_Alright, will you inform Rachel that Mr. Leroy and Hiram Berry's memorial service will be held tomorrow, Sunday, February 15th at 1:00?"_

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes before replying. "Yeah, I'll tell her, bye." I quickly hung turning back to Quinn and Brittany. I was about to tell them the news, but Rachel walked sleepily down the stairs, and saw us by the telephone.

"Who called?" she asked drowsily, rubbing her eyes.

I took a deep breath before taking her hand, and looking sadly into her eyes. "The funeral's tomorrow."

That woke her up. Her eyes widened and she stumbled backwards, tripping over her foot and falling onto her back with a thud, followed by a pained whimper. Me, Quinn, and Brittany were immediately kneeling down next to her on the floor. "Are you okay Rach?" Brittany asked softly, helping the brunette sit up. Rachel shook her head and stood up on trembling knees, and attempted to run back upstairs; but her legs gave way and she collapsed back onto the floor, sobbing.

I bent down next to her, and carefully picked her up, carrying her to her room. She was clenching fists into my shirt and crying into chest. When I laid her down on her bed, she wouldn't let go and continued to cry into my shirt. I gave in and lay down next to her, pulling her close to me. After ten minutes, Rachel was still sobbing heavily, and didn't look like she was going to let up anytime soon. Quinn sat next to us on the bed and gently stroked Rachel's back. She walked around the bed and lay down next to Rachel, putting her arms around the trembling diva, shortly followed by Brittany. I heard her take a deep breath before beginning to sing softly.

"_You're not alone  
Together we stand  
I'll be by your side  
You know I'll take your hand  
When it gets cold  
And it feels like the end  
There's no place to go  
You know I won't give in  
No, I won't give in"_

I noticed how the diva had loosened her grip on my shirt, and stopped trembling as violently. Me and Brittany joined Quinn for the chorus, as I rubbed small circles into her back.

"_Keep holding on  
Cause you know we'll make it through  
We'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
Cause you know I'm here for you  
I'm here for you  
There's nothing you can say  
Nothing you can do  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So, keep holding on  
Cause you know we'll make it through  
We'll make it through"_

Rachel had stopped crying as deeply and she released her grip on my shirt. I sang the verse as the brunette buried her head into my neck.

"_So far away  
I wish you were here  
Before it's too late  
This could all disappear  
Before the door's closed  
And it comes to an end  
With you by my side  
I will fight and defend  
I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah"  
_

Rachel had stopped crying and was letting out small whimpers as Quinn and Brittany joined me for the chorus.

"_Keep holding on  
Cause you know we'll make it through  
We'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
Cause you know I'm here for you  
I'm here for you  
There's nothing you can say  
Nothing you can do  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So, keep holding on  
Cause you know we'll make it through  
We'll make it through"_

Once we had finished the song, Rachel was taking deep breaths, and had stopped crying completely. She turned onto her back and took a couple more deep breaths before deciding to speak. "Q-Quinn?" she asked in a shaky voice. "Th-that's your song."

"I know," the blonde replied, "but I figured it fit this situation pretty well." Quinn was taken by surprise when Rachel wrapped her arms around her and pulled her in for a hug.

"Thank you," Rachel whispered quietly into her chest.

* * *

It's been an hour since Rachel's breakdown, and the brunette said she needed some time to think. I figured she couldn't hurt herself after I took her razors away, so I left her in her room. Brittany had gone home to get some clothes and convince her parents to let her stay at Rachel's house, so it was just me, Quinn, and the TV. Everything was going smoothly so far, and Rachel seemed to be fine.

"DAMMIT! WHY WON'T IT FUCKING WORK?" We heard Rachel angrily yell from her room. Me and Quinn looked at each other for a second before jumping off the couch and sprinting to Rachel's room. We burst through the door to find Rachel curled up on her bed with a rolled up sleeve and a pair of safety scissors in her hand. I would have laughed at the scene if it wasn't so damn serious, because really, Rachel's the only person I know who would try to hurt herself with safety scissors. I walked over to her, ripped the scissors out of her hand, and sat her upright on the bed. "Please Santana," Rachel begged, "please, please, please, please give me my razors back. I need them, I'll do anything. Please!" the brunette was shaking, tears threatening to spill over her eyes.

"No, Rachel, you don't need them, I'm not giving them back to you." I put a hand on the brunette's arm, but she ripped away from me, sprinting to the bathroom and locking the door behind her. I waited outside of her bathroom door, and waited. After a couple minutes, me and Quinn heard Rachel release a shuddery breath from inside the bathroom. The blonde turned to look at me.

"Are you sure you got all the razors Santana?" She asked me, worry etched across her face.

"Yeah, in this bathroom and the one downstairs," I reassured Quinn, who nodded in response. A couple seconds later, she turned to me in horror.

"S-Santana? Did Rachel have a curling iron in her bathroom?"

I thought about this for a moment, and suddenly remembered the hair straightener I had seen lying on her counter the day before. "Oh, shit." I whispered before jumping up from the ground and pounding my fist against the bathroom door. "Berry!" I yelled through the door, "Open this goddamn door right fucking now!" I kept pounding and yelling through the door until I heard the lock click. I threw open the door and almost knocked Rachel to the ground. I grabbed her wrist and dragged her to her bed before tearing her shirt off, seeing three burn marks on her stomach and two on her left arm. "Dammit Rachel!" I yelled, inspecting the burn marks on her arm, "Do you know how fucking dangerous that is?"

"As dangerous as cutting?" she mumbled in reply, looking at the ground, "I told you I'd find something else to use."

"Tell you what, Berry," I growled, running my fingers over one of the burn marks, "I'll give you your razors back as long as you never do this again." I saw Quinn blink in confusion and explained further. "This," I motioned to the burns on her skin, "is way more dangerous than cutting. If I don't give them back, you're just going to find worse ways to hurt yourself." I got up and headed to the guest room to get the razors I stored in a bag. Quinn ran after me when I exited the room.

"Are you insane?" she hissed, grabbing my arm, "why don't we just take her straightener away?"

"Because then she'll use the stove and get sent to the fucking hospital." I replied angrily, picking the bag of razors and walking out of the room, "and good luck uninstalling that goddamn motherfucker." I threw the bag of razors into Rachel's bathroom before turning to the shirtless brunette curled up on the bed. My anger immediately washed away, replaced with concern. She seemed skinnier than a few days ago, and she had cuts and burns covering her skin. "Quinn?" I asked, turning to the blonde, "Go get Rachel something to eat." The blonde disappeared around the corner, and I took a seat next to Rachel. "Rach…" I mumbled, gently touching her back. "Do you even know how bad this is getting?" The diva's face was hidden behind her hands. She nodded slightly as I pulled her closer to me. I heard the front door open, and Brittany's voice float up the stairs, and footsteps approaching rapidly. The tall blonde appeared in the doorway, and immediately noticed the burn marks on Rachel. She dropped her bag and gasped, walking towards us.

"What happened?" Brittany asked, taking a seat on the other side of Rachel. I felt Rachel move closer to me and let out a small whimper. I took a deep breath and turned towards Brittany.

"Britt, can you unplug the straightener in Rachel's bathroom and bring it here?" the Dutch girl's eyes widened and she nodded her head slowly, walking to the bathroom, and coming back with the straightener. I took it from her and turned to Rachel, "never burn yourself again, got it?" the brunette nodded and I turned to the side, smashing the straightening iron against the metal bar that ran along side Rachel's bed. Rachel cringed at the noise, and let out another small whimper before Quinn returned with the food.

* * *

So this one's a little longer. Next chapter will show you how her dads died. Oh and REVIEW! Last time I only got three reviews, reviews make me smile dumbly into the computer screen and make me update faster, haha. Song is "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne.

Shout out to **Notjustanotherperson**, **kaayou**, and **Kkaty** for reviewing. Thanks a bunch guys!


	7. Nightmare

Here's my update :)

* * *

**Santana**

As soon as Rachel had eaten lunch, we headed downstairs to watch RENT. We got settled on the couch as Quinn set up the DVD. We watched the movie in silence, until my cell phone rang halfway through. I gently repositioned Rachel off of my lap so she was lying comfortably against Brittany, who wrapped the diva in a warm hug. I stepped into the kitchen before answering my phone.

"Hello?" I mumble into the receiver.

"_Mija! Where have you been, I've been worried sick about you, I thought you were coming home after your sleepover, and it's almost seven o'clock!"_

"Calm down Mom, my friend has been… having a rough time, she needs me here, I'm going to have to stay for a week… or three." I didn't tell my mom about Rachel's dads, knowing that she would be over in a heartbeat if I did, and that was the last thing we needed right now. I heard my mom sigh on the other side of the phone.

"_Santana, is this really so hard on your friend that she needs you there for…"_

"Yes," I cut her off sternly, glaring at her through the phone.

"_Fine," _she gave in reluctantly, _"but you're coming home tonight to pick up some things, and you can go back over to her house in the morning, just have her parents deal with her tonight."_

I cringed at the mention of her parents, before regaining my composure and quickly agreeing through the phone. I silently cursed for not being able to stay the night. The funeral was the next day and the brunette wasn't going to have an easy time making it through the night, I could guarantee it. I slowly walked out of the kitchen, and back to the couch, where Rachel was sitting in Brittany's lap, cuddled into her chest, half-asleep. I sat next to the tall blonde on the couch; Rachel instantly crawled off of Brittany's lap, and settled into mine. I smiled, and repositioned the brunette in my arms so I could carry her bridal style to her bedroom. What confused me was that the brunette seemed to be getting skinnier and lighter than before; even though we were making sure she was eating now. I brushed this aside, assuming it would just take some time for her to gain the weight back. I sat her on her bed, and she tried to pull me under the covers with her. I remained seated, and took a deep breath.

"I have some bad news Rachel," I said slowly, brushing the hair out of her face. "My mom called, I need to go home tonight." I studied the brunette's expression and saw her eyes widen as she slumped onto the bed in disappointment, "but I promise I'll be back as soon as I can tomorrow morning, and you'll have Brittany and Quinn here for you for tonight, alright?" Rachel slowly nodded into her pillows, and pulled her blankets up higher. I turned to the two blondes who were changing into their pajamas. "And you two, call me if anything goes wrong and I'll come back, I don't care what time it is, and I mean ANYTHING, got it?" the two girls smiled at me smugly, before nodding their heads. "Shut up," I growled and stormed out the door, slamming it behind me. I was about to descend the stairs, before turning around, running to her room, and thrusting her door open again. "Bye Rachel," I whispered before slamming the door for a second time, and running down the stairs; ignoring the laughter emanating from Rachel's room.

* * *

I drove home as fast as I could, mad at myself for making it look like I had a huge gay crush on Rachel, but wait, didn't I? No, no way, there no possible way I could just, start liking a girl I've tortured for years. But she was pretty damned adorable, especially the way she… wait, no! What am I talking about? Snap out of it Lopez! You're just taking care of a friend who lost her parents. An adorable friend… who's got amazing legs, the most beautiful brunette hair, sexy curves, perfect lips that I could kiss for hours and hours… wait what? No! She's a friend! **Just **a friend, because I, Santana Lopez am NOT gay! Especially not for Berry. Just friends, just friends, just friends, just friends… I didn't notice I was home until I found myself on my front porch with my mother looking at me quizzically.

"Mija, why are you talking to yourself?" she asked, staring at me like I had gone crazy.

"No reason," I mumbled quickly, briskly walking by her and heading up to my room. "Goodnight," I yelled over my shoulder before closing my door, and collapsing onto my bed. After a couple minutes, I reluctantly stood up and began throwing some of my things into a suitcase so I could leave for Rachel's immediately the next morning. As soon as everything was ready to go, I climbed under my covers, uneasily fell asleep, hoping Rachel would be okay.

I woke up with a start, hearing my ringtone blare from my phone. I glanced over at the clock on my desk. 1:26 am. I groaned and sleepily answered my phone.

"H'llo?" I slurred drowsily into the phone.

"Santana!" Quinn frantically yelled through the phone, "You need to get your ass over here now!" I heard Rachel scream in the background, and Brittany trying to soothe the diva.

"Wait, what's going on?" I demanded, instantly becoming wide awake.

"I-I don't know," Quinn practically sobbed through the phone, "She's having a really bad nightmare, we can't wake her up, we tried everything." The blonde cried through the phone, as another loud scream was heard from the small brunette.

"I'll be right there," I said firmly, closing my phone. I picked up my suitcase and ran down the stairs, only to be stopped by my mom.

"Santana, where do you thing you're going?" she asked questioningly, eyeing my suitcase suspiciously.

"To Rachel's house, where else?" I growled, trying to get to the front door, only to be blocked by my mother.

"Why? Its way to late for you to go out, plus we agreed you'd leave in the morning." She argued, beginning to raise her tone.

"She needs me! Please mom, I need to help her." I asked frantically, trying to get around the smaller woman.

"Why can't her parents deal with her tonight?" She growled icily, stepping into the doorway so I couldn't get though.

"Because they're dead!" I yelled, immediately regretting what I said. The older woman froze, and I took that as my cue to run past her, dive into the car, and speed to Rachel's house, breaking the law several times along the way.

As soon as I arrived at Rachel's house, I ran through the front door, and immediately heard the loud screaming from Rachel's room. I sprinted upstairs, and burst through her door, finding her screaming in her bed, tossing and turning, and covered in a thick layer of sweat. Brittany and Quinn were by Rachel's side, desperately trying to calm her down; they looked up at me with tears streaming down their faces. I rushed to her side, gently taking her hand, and stroking her cheek softly.

"Rach, you need to wake up," I whispered softly into her ear, "it's me Santana, I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you, it's just a dream, please wake up." After seeing that this had no effect, I climbed into bed next to her and pulled her small body into mine, continuing to whisper in her ear while stroking her back. "C'mon Rachel, wake up, nothings going to happen to you, you're okay, I'm right here, please Rach." I heard the brunette's screams stop immediately, as she tightened her grip around my waist. I held my breath, until I heard the brunette next to me begin to sob. I sighed in relief, and saw that the two other blondes were just as happy that she had finally waken up. Rachel slowly pulled away and looked at me through watery eyes.

"Santana?" she asked, her voice sounded dry and raspy, "I th-thought you were staying at your house." She mumbled shakily.

"I was," I replied softly, tucking a piece of the diva's hair behind her ear, "Until I got a call from Quinn." Rachel wrapped her arms around me again, pulling me in tight.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice sounding broken, and filled with hurt.

"It's not your fault Rach," I comforted her gently; "We'll talk about it in the morning okay? Just get some sleep." I felt the brunette relax in my arms as she began to drift off. Quinn and Brittany crawled in beside us as I relaxed into the bed, holding Rachel in my arms.

* * *

The next morning I woke up at 7:30, confused at how I had ended up in bed next to Rachel, before the events from the night before began to play back in my mind. I glanced down at the sleeping diva, and found her curled into a ball, as close to me as she could get. I sat up, and woke the three other girls up, wanting to leave extra time to prepare for the funeral. We headed down to the kitchen to get breakfast started, and as soon as everyone had a plate of pancakes in front of them, we sat down at the table, and turned to Rachel.

"Rachel?" I asked softly, "What happened last night?" the diva looked down at her food, and moved it around her plate with her fork.

"It happened all over again," she whispered in a trembling voice, before looking up at us, "I tried to tell them, but they wouldn't listen, they died right in front of me Santana, you don't even know how terrifying it was, and I couldn't do anything to help them." She was sobbing freely now, tears cascading down her cheeks. I got out of my chair and walked next to the diva, taking her hand and kneeling besides her.

"You're right, I can't even begin to think of how scary that must've been Rachel, I know this is going to be hard, but do you think you can tell us what happened?" The brunette's eyes widened as she looked me in the eyes.

"I don't even know where to start," she mumbled, beginning to shake.

I gave her hand a reassuring and looked at her comfortingly, "How about the beginning," I smile at her gently and wrapped an arm around her waist and pulling her up, so I could set her into my lap. She nodded her head slowly, before taking a deep breath.

* * *

So that's where I cut it off, haha, not one of my best ones, but i just couldn't get the words to fit like i wanted them too, lol, REVIEW!


	8. How it Happened

Sorry it took so long, here it is :) Oh and _italics_ is a flashback.

* * *

**Santana**

Rachel took a deep breath before slowly nodding her head. I pulled up a chair next to her and sat down, gently squeezing her hand and giving her a small, reassuring smile.

* * *

**Rachel**

_Rachel and her two dads Hiram and Leroy had decided that, in honor of Rachel's 4.0 grade point average, to have dinner at Breadstix that night. They quickly jumped into their car and drove to the restaurant. They arrived shortly, and hurried inside, to be seated immediately at reserved table. Halfway through their meal, and everything was going perfectly, Rachel had ordered her vegan meal, while her two dads settled on seafood. Rachel was happily eating, totally carefree, until a strange figure walked through the door. The air inside the restaurant immediately chilled, as the hooded customer walked carefully up to the front desk. Everybody's head was turned to stare at the stranger. Without warning, the man grabbed a gun from inside of his coat and held it up to the waitress behind the counter. _

"_Nobody move!" he yelled in a low, cold voice, turning to stare at the occupants of the tables. He glared, before turning back to the lady in front of the cash register. "Alright, hand it over." He sneered, jabbing the handgun into her chest._

"_W-what?" she squeaked in a terrified voice, visibly shaking._

"_The money, bitch! Give me the money." He growled, grabbing the back of her head, and roughly pushing it towards the cash register. She clumsily opened the drawer, and started gathering as much cash as she could, pushing it over the table towards him._

_Rachel was terrified, trying as best as she could to stay calm, and control her heavy breathing. She turned to her dads with teary eyes, and saw her dad pull out his cell phone._

"_Don't" she whispered as quietly as she could, "He'll see you."_

"_Don't worry sweetie," he whispered back, "I'll be fine." He fumbled with the buttons on his phone, as his husband grabbed his arm._

"_Daddy, please," Rachel whispered again, "Don't."_

"_Rach, it's okay," he whispered focusing intently on his phone. He finally managed to dial '911' and set the phone down next to him. The restaurant had turned completely silent and all that could be heard was the rustling of cash. Until a high pitch voice cut through the room._

"_911, what is your emergency?" the shrill voice asked through the phone. Hiram looked down at the phone in terror, before realizing he has accidentally put it on speaker. He looked up at the gun man nervously, a loud bang echoed throughout the restaurant as Rachel's dad let out a yell, a bullet penetrating through his chest._

"_Dad!" Rachel yelled, jumping up from her seat. She tried to run to her dad's side, but another loud bang was heard, and before she knew it, she was shoved to the ground by her other dad. She slowly looked up from her place on the floor, and saw her father clutch his stomach in pain, before dropping to his knees. "Daddy!" she cried out, crawling to his side. She looked up at the murderer, expecting to be hit next, and watched as he pointed the gun at her and pulled the trigger. A low click was heard, and the man looked at his gun in confusion. He shot again, but the same click was heard. He growled in annoyance, before turning to the side, hitting the cashier over the head with the gun, and grabbing the money._

"_Lucky for you bitch, I'm out of bullets." He spat, as he ran out the door._

_Rachel looked back down at her daddy, and shakily checked for a pulse. Nothing. She turned to look at her dad, and saw another customer by his side, checking him. "He's got a pulse!" the man yelled, looking down at Rachel. Rachel jumped up onto her feet and took her place next to her dad._

"_Dad?" She yelled, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Dad, please."_

"_Rachel?" Hiram asked weakly, his voice raspy, "Rach, I… I'm s-sorry." He whispered as his breathing began to slow._

"_No… no, dad, please, don't leave me!" She cried, tightly grabbing his hand._

"_R-Rach, I'm s-sorry. I love y-you." He whispered as his eyes closed, and his hand went limp. Rachel desperately checked for a pulse, and completely broke down when she couldn't find it._

"_No!" she screamed, as the paramedics rushed through the door. "No! Come back, I need you, please, please no. Dad!" the paramedics pried her off of him, grabbing him and quickly setting him on the ground, attaching him to wires. The brought out some equipment and placed it around him, as a woman kneeled next to him and placed the paddles above his chest. _

"_Clear!" One of them yelled, as she brought the paddles down onto him. The flat line rang throughout the room. "Clear!" They yelled a second time, as another shock was placed on his chest. Nothing._

"_Dad!" Rachel screamed, desperately trying to lunge towards her father, being restrained by a cop. "Please, Dad, please I need you!" She sobbed trying to break out of the man's grasp. She fell to the floor sobbing as her parents were loaded onto an ambulance, their bodies being covered by blankets._

* * *

**Santana**

I looked at the brunette in disbelief, as she finished her story. She had pulled her knees up to her chest, and she was sobbing into her knees. I hadn't even noticed I had started crying until I felt a tear fall onto my hand. I quickly wrapped my arms around Rachel and pulled her into me tightly as she continued to cry into my neck.

"Oh God, Rach…" I whispered shakily as I ran my fingers through her hair, "I'm so sorry, that's… you… Oh God." I slowly opened my eyes and saw the two blondes crying softly, with a hand over their mouth to stifle their sobs. I tightened my grip around the smaller girl's waist, pulling her onto my lap as she sobbed loudly into me. I began rocking her back and forth softly, and gently trying to calm her down.

After half an hour had passed, and Rachel was still crying I pulled away from her gently, and lifter her chin to look me in the eyes. "Rachel… I know this is hard, and I know it hurts, but we need to get you ready for the funeral. Are you ready?" I asked quietly, softly stroking her cheek. The brunette tried to regain control over herself, and wiped her eyes with her sleeves. She nodded and I slowly helped her onto her feet. She leaned onto me, and I helped her walk up the stairs and into her room, where she sat on her bed. Her lip began to quiver again as Quinn and Brittany sat on either side of her and softly wrapped their arms around her, slowly pulling her into another hug. I opened her closet, finding a short sleeved black dress and pulling it out.

"How about this Rachel?" I asked gently, showing her the dress I found.

"I can't wear that." She whispered shakily, looking down at the ground.

"Why not?" I asked, setting it down on the bed.

"My arms…" she answered softly, leaning into Brittany who immediately pulled the brunette closer.

"Right, sorry." I said apologetically, before turning back to the closet. I pulled out a long sleeved black cardigan, and laid it over the dress, before turning to Rachel. "Better?" I asked, sitting behind her on the bed, before slowly massaging her shoulders she nodded, and leaned into me. I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto my lap, resting her head on my chest. "You need to get ready Rach." I mumbled quietly, as she relaxed onto my lap. She nodded again before slowly getting off the bed and walking to the bathroom. I followed her. I couldn't risk her hurting herself so close to the funeral. We entered the master bathroom and I closed the door behind us. The diva looked at me with a pained expression, and quickly glanced at the razors on her counter before turning to start her shower. I couldn't help but stare as she took her clothes off. She had a beautiful figure, curves in all the right places and flawless tan skin, well except for the hundred or so cuts covering her body. I flinched at the sight of the wounds and quickly turned my gaze to the floor as she stepped into the tub. I sat on the toilet seat as I waited for her to finish. I heard quiet cries come from inside of the shower, and I buried my head in my hands. I had no idea of how to help the brunette get through this. I never had any experience with losing a family member, let alone my parents. I raised my head as I heard the sobs from the shower get louder.

"Rach, are you okay?" I asked in concern, as I walked next to the shower curtain. The only response I got back were more sobs, "Rachel?" I tried again contemplating whether or not to check on her. I heard a whimper, and a loud thud come from inside the shower, and I immediately ripped the shower curtain down, revealing Rachel sobbing on the floor of the tub with a razor in her hand, her blood mixing with the water and washing down the drain. Shit, I forgot to check the shower for blades. "Fuck," I mumbled under my breath as I stepped into the shower next to Rachel and carefully lifted her into a standing position. "Rachel, you need to help me out here," I said in concern, trying to keep Rachel's slippery form from slipping out of my hands. Rachel didn't move, but continued sobbing, and bleeding. "Quinn, Brittany!" I called out, doing my best to keep a hold on the brunette. The blondes were almost instantly in the bathroom, and gasped when they saw me trying to hold up Rachel. Brittany turned off the water, as Quinn, lifted her out of the tub, wrapping her in a towel and seating her on the toilet. I stepped out of the shower, and stripped out of my soaked shirt and jeans, leaving me in a bra and panties. I looked over at Rachel and saw that the towel was turning red around her right arm. I grabbed myself a towel before finding the bandages, and heading towards Rachel. I kneeled down in front of the diva, and gently took her right arm, immediately beginning to bandage her up.

"It didn't work," she whispered in a quivering voice, her whole body starting to shake.

"What do you mean sweetie," I asked softly, as I finished bandaging her arm.

"When I cut, it didn't work. It didn't hurt, I didn't feel anything." She whispered, as tears began streaking down her cheeks. I stood up, and pulled her into me, ignoring the fact that the only thing in between us was towels.

"Rachel, you're going to get through this, we're not going to leave you, I promise." I whispered as I slowly rubbed circles into her back. She continued to cry into my shoulder, as I held her in my arms. Once she had calmed down enough, I pulled away, and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Why don't we finish getting ready, okay?" I asked softly, looking into her eyes. She nodded slowly before entering her bedroom and changing into her dress.

* * *

Sorry for the wait, writers block and school, you know? Well next one will be about the funeral; I don't know when I'll be able to post, hopefully sometime soon.

So what do you think? Should i continue?


	9. The Funeral

Okay people so here's my update, hope you like it :) Oh and I've never been to a funeral, so I might get this wrong, just so you know.

* * *

**Santana**

Once Rachel had put her dress on, and me, Quinn, and Brittany had all gotten into something fairly nice, it was already 12:00. We rushed outside, and headed straight for my car. I sat behind the steering wheel, and glanced back at Rachel and Quinn as they shuffled into the back seat. The brunette was trembling, and her eyes were filling with tears. She looked up at me pleadingly and let out a small whimper. I turned to Quinn and took a deep breath, but before I could say anything, the blonde cut me off and opened her door.

"I'll drive, S," she said softly as she stood up out of the back seat. I nodded and gave her a small smile before switching places, and sitting next to Rachel in the backseat. I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into a side hug as she relaxed into me. She stopped shaking and her tears began to subside as I softly stroked her hair. She buried her face into my shoulder as I rubbed her back softly. Quinn started the car and pulled out of the driveway of Rachel's house, and Rachel began crying again. As we got closer to the church, Rachel's cries intensified, and by the time we had arrived, she was sobbing into my chest, my dress clenched into her balled fists. Quinn and Brittany were both turned towards us, staring at Rachel sadly.

"Rachel, you need to calm down," I said calmingly, running my fingers through her hair, "We need to go in now." The brunette tightened her grip on my dress and pulled herself closer to me. "Rach, you don't want to miss your own dads' funeral, do you?" I asked gently. I felt Rachel tense, before loosening her grip on me and pulling back, trying to regain control over herself. She fixed her hair, and tried to dry her eyes, but tears kept cascading down her cheeks. I softly grabbed her wrists and lowered them to her sides. The brunette looked up at me through watery eyes as I gently wiped the tears from her cheeks, and brushed the hair from her face. Her eyes were still puffy, and her skin was blotchy, but she was still as beautiful as ever. I gave her a soft smile, before turning to open my door. I got out and walked around the car to Rachel's side, opening her door for her. I kneeled down beside her and took her hand, giving it a small squeeze. "You look great Rach." I whispered into her ear as I helped her out of the car. I wrapped my arm around her waist, as we walked into the chapel.

As soon as we walked through the doors, we were bombarded by about thirty of Rachel's relatives, asking question after question. I could see the diva getting overwhelmed, and her bottom lip beginning to quiver. I tightened my grip around the brunette as she leaned into me, tears starting to form in her eyes again. I looked up at Rachel's relatives, and sent them my best glare, feeling Rachel trembling next to me. They immediately shut up and backed away from us as Quinn walked to Rachel's other side and Brittany stood protectively in front of her. I half-carried Rachel to the front of the room, and sat her in the front seat, sitting down next to her. I looked up to the front of the church, and saw two caskets side-by-side behind a microphone. Tears were beginning to prick my eyes, but I shook this if, focusing my attention back on Rachel. She had her face buried in her hands, and her body was shaking violently. I scooted closer to her and threw my arm around her shoulders as the sermon walked in front of the microphone.

The man cleared his throat before speaking in a deep voice, "We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of Hiram and Leroy Berry. These two brave men died in a shooting, protecting their well-loved daughter, Rachel Berry," I felt the brunette tense and sob particularly loud at this, and I shot a glare up at the sermon, who happily ignored me. I tuned the rest of his rambling out as I tried to comfort Rachel.

"Rachel, sweetie, you're okay, everything's going to be okay." I whispered calmly into her ear, ignoring the intense gazes of Rachel's family and friends.

"No it won't!" she whimpered into me, pulling away slightly. "How's it going to be okay? Huh? They're gone, Santana. I'm never going to see them again. They're not going to be there when I graduate, or when I win my first Grammy, or when I get married, and they're never going to see their first grandchild. How is any of this even close to okay?" She yelled at me quietly, still sobbing heavily. I pulled her into me again as she continued to cry.

"Rachel, things will get better. I'm not asking you to just forget about what happened, because I know that's impossible, but you'll move on. They wouldn't have wanted to see you this torn up about this." I whispered quietly. Our conversation was interrupted as the sermon turned to us, and his booming voice echoed through the room.

"Rachel, would you like to say a few words?" He asked in firm, but gentle voice. The brunette let go of me and wiped her eyes as she shakily began walking towards the stage. She grabbed the microphone and gave the man a broken half-smile as he gave her some space. She turned to face the room and took a shaky breath.

"I couldn't have ever of asked for better parents then my dads." She began quietly, in a trembling voice. "I still can't believe everything they've done to protect me. I love them s-so much and I c-can't believe they've already been g-gone a month." She stuttered, her voice cracking. My eyes widened and I looked over at Quinn and Brittany who looked equally surprised. How could we have not noticed sooner? How has she been getting away with pretending to be okay for so long? I turned my attention back to the diva at the front of the room. "I m-miss them so m-much, they shouldn't have d-done what they did. I c-can't help but th-think it's all my f-fault that they're-they're d-dead." She broke down completely on-stage, dropping to her knees and crying hysterically, her body racking with sobs. I rushed down the aisle and up to the stage, gently lifting Rachel off the ground as she clung desperately around my neck. I carried the brunette off the stage and sat her back down in her seat. Everybody in the church, including the sermon, was staring at Rachel intently. I tried to comfort the sobbing diva, but the tears wouldn't stop falling. The sermon had taken his place back on stage and most everybody was focused back on him again, but Rachel couldn't seem to pull herself together. My attention was focused solely on getting Rachel to calm down, but I noticed that attendants were getting up and starting to leave. I turned to Quinn in confusion.

"Is it over already?" I asked the blonde quietly.

"No, we're heading over to the cemetery for the burial." She replied sadly, as she and Brittany wiped their eyes. I nodded and turned back to Rachel, who was still crying into her hands.

"Rach…" I began softly, as I threw her arm around my shoulder and lifted her up. "We need to get to the cemetery, okay?" The diva nodded slowly, before sniffling and raising her head. We slowly made our way our way back to the car, where I carefully helped her into the back seat as Brittany and Quinn got in front. I slid in next to the brunette and looked at her in concern. Her forehead was pressed against the glass of the window, with a blank expression on her face. Her eyes were lifeless, as if she had just given up on living, and honestly, it scared the shit out of me. I grabbed her hand and laced her fingers through mine as I moved closer to her, so our bodies were right next to each other. She closed her eyes tightly as tears threatened to spill over. I rested my head on her shoulder and wrapped my arm around her waist as she began trembling again. Rachel was on the verge of tears the rest of the way to the cemetery, but she refused to let herself cry.

Once we had arrived, Rachel threw her door open and shakily walked towards her dads' coffins. We followed her in surprise, and were completely shocked when she strutted up to the caskets, took one look at her fathers' lifeless forms, and ran for the nearest garbage can with a hand covering her mouth, before gripping the sides of the bin and vomiting loudly. We quickly sprinted to her side, and I pulled her hair back, as Quinn and Brittany rubbed her back soothingly while she continued to heave. Once her stomach was empty, she relieved the trash can from her death grip and crumpled to the ground in exhaustion, panting heavily and emitting soft whimpers, tears building in her eyes, but she still wouldn't let them fall. I had no idea what to do. Everything I had tried hadn't worked, and I was about to start crying myself. I sighed in relief when Brittany slowly knelt next to the brunette and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Rae, its okay…" she began, whispering softly, and that was it for Rachel. She threw herself into the tall blonde's arms, sobbing forcefully into her stomach. The Dutch girl held Rachel in her arms, slowly rocking back and forth, her own tears sliding down her cheeks. I looked over to the caskets, and saw that they were closing the tops, and preparing to lower them into the graves. I opened my mouth to say something, but my voice faltered as I looked down and saw Rachel's sleeve slightly rolled up, revealing about twenty cuts around her wrist; and all I managed to get out was a strangled whimper as my eyes filled with tears. I felt Quinn grab my hand and give it a small squeeze, before bending down next to Brittany and Rachel.

"Rachel, your dads, they're about to…" but Quinn was cut off as the brunette began shaking her head vigorously.

"I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't," the diva choked out through her tears, burying her head further into Brittany. The tall blonde nodded slowly in understanding, before gathering Rachel in her arms, and picking her up. She was surprised at how light she was, but carried her swiftly back to the car as the brunette continued shaking her head, and chanting, "I can't". On the ride back to the house, Brittany sat in the back next to Rachel, as Quinn drove. Rachel continued sobbing loudly for the rest of the drive, and I cried silently as Quinn comfortingly held my hand.

Once we had arrived at her house, Brittany picked Rachel up and carried her inside, up the stairs, and into her room. They were already halfway up the stairs when I walked inside; I immediately walked over to the couch, collapsing onto the cushions in tears. Quinn sat down besides me and pulled me into a hug. It was warm, and comforting, but nothing like hugging Rachel. "Why can't I do anything right?" I whispered into her chest, "I don't have any idea of what to do, or how to make this even the smallest bit better."

"I don't either," Quinn replied sadly, "But that's why Brittany's here. She went through almost the same thing, and she'll know better than both us how to handle this." I pulled away from the blonde and wiped my eyes before flashing her a small smile.

"Thanks Q," I mumbled softly as I relaxed into the couch.

"Anytime S," she replied with a smile, before pausing and looking at me with a serious expression "Listen Santana, I know I've been a bitch to you lately, and I'm sorry. I've just been kinda… stressed, but you're like my best friend and I'm always here for you. If there's anything you want to tell me, I'll listen." The blonde said, smiling softly. I took a deep breath before looking down at the ground.

"Actually, there is something I kinda want to talk about." I whispered slowly, twiddling my fingers. I looked up at the blonde, and opened my mouth to talk, but was interrupted as Brittany came down the stairs, and sat next to us.

"She's asleep," the Dutch girl stated in a concerned tone, as she smiled weakly. After hearing no response, her smile fell, and she faced us, looking serious. "I think she's starving herself." The tall blonde said, looking down at her lap.

"She can't be," I said softly, my voice still shaking slightly. "We've been making her eat."

"No, not like that," Brittany replied in a whisper, "the other way."

"You think she's making herself throw up?" Quinn asked nervously.

"She's getting skinnier, no matter how much we feed her" she stated bluntly, "When I carried her upstairs, she weighed like 70 pounds. And she looks like we did when coach made us drink that weird smoothie that made us puke."

"This isn't good," I said in a trembling voice as I buried my head in my hands. "What are we going to do?"

"We're going to be here for her," Brittany said softly, "We're going to help her get through this, even if that means making her do things she doesn't want to do. When my brother died, that's all I wanted." She whispered, looking down sadly. I nodded and sat next to Brittany, resting my head on her shoulder.

"She's going to make it through this." I mumbled quietly, closing my eyes, trying to reassure myself more than anybody else.

* * *

So this chapter has been kicking me in the ass. It was a serious pain to write, and it turned out a lot worse than I wanted it too. I was going to add more, but I'm tired, lol. So tell me what you think, but it really isn't the best, so sorry. But it's the longest one I've written so far, so anyways... REVIEW!


	10. Lost

My parents are really mad at me, so I probably won't be able to post soon. Sorry. :/ But check out my poll on my profile page. It's for my other fic, but still… please?

* * *

**Santana**

After letting Rachel sleep for about an hour, I went to the kitchen to make her some dinner. I walked up the stairs and into Rachel's room, finding her laying on her bed wide awake, staring at her ceiling. I placed her soup on her nightstand before sitting next to her on her bed, and brushing a few stray strands of hair out of her face.

"Rachel," I said quietly, trying to break her out of her catatonic state. "Rach," I tried again, louder. The brunette slowly looked up at me through teary brown eyes, and I forced myself to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.

"They're really gone," she whispered, before grabbing my hand and pulling it close to her. "I'm really never going to see them again; I'm never going to be able to hear their voices again. I'm such a horrible person; I didn't even stay to finish my own parent's funeral. I'm such a stupid, worthless, piece of…"

"Rachel, stop it," I cut her off sternly. "That's not true, you were scared, you weren't ready and you could handle it, it's understandable. I probably would've done the same thing."

"No, you wouldn't. You're strong, you're a good person, you're not a useless excuse for a daughter like me." The diva rolled onto her side, facing away from me and curling into a ball.

"I told you that's not true, you were…"

"Scared, yeah I know. I still ran away. I wish that my dad hadn't of shoved me out of the way and just would've let that… bastard, kill me. Maybe then I would feel so guilty and pathetic all the time."

"Don't say that." I firmly grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to face me. "None of that is your fault Rachel. You couldn't have stopped any of this from happening; I never want to hear you say that again, are we clear?" Rachel pulled me down next to her and buried her head into me, nodding into my chest. I wrapped my arms securely around her, and nuzzled into the top of her head. "I brought you some food," I whispered softly into her hair. She buried her face further into me and grabbed the bottom of my shirt.

"Not hungry," she mumbled quietly. I sighed and reluctantly pulled away and sat up, before lifting the diva into a sitting position. I grabbed the bowl off of the nightstand and sat it in my lap, turning to face Rachel.

"Berry, you're going to eat, and you're going to keep it in that pretty little stomach of yours," I stated sternly. The brunette looked up at me in shock. I smirked and gently took her hand in mine. "Brittany may not be that smart, but when she's right, she's right. Plus, it's pretty obvious; seriously, what are you, like 75 pounds? So eat." I thrust the soup into her lap, and handed her a spoon. The diva looked down at the bowl, and mumbled something incoherent under her breath. I gently lifted her chin with my hand and softly stroked her cheek. "What's that sweetie?" I asked softly, watching as her bottom lip began to quiver.

"67," she whispered in a trembling voice. "I weigh 67 pounds." She looked down in shame as tears began streaking down her cheeks. I quickly moved the bowl of soup back to the nightstand and gathered the brunette in my arms. I let her sob heavily into my chest as I gently stroked her back, and ran my fingers through her hair. I whispered soft words into her ear, but after 30 minutes of comforting, Rachel didn't appear to be letting up anytime soon. I sighed and pulled the brunette closer into me, closing my eyes and beginning to sing softly.

"_Can't believe it's over  
__I watched the whole thing fall  
__And I never saw the writing that was on the wall  
__If I'd only knew  
__The days were slipping passed  
__That the good things never last  
__That you were crying_

_Summer turned to winter, and the snow it turned to rain  
__And the rain turned into tears upon your face  
__I hardly recognize  
__The girl you are today and God I hope it's not too late  
__It's not too late_

_Cause you are not alone  
__I'm always there with you  
__And we'll get lost together  
__Till the light comes pouring through  
__Cause when you feel like you're done  
__And when the darkness had won  
__Babe you're not lost  
__When your world's crashing down  
__And you can't bear the thought  
__I said babe you're not lost"_

Rachel began to calm down a little, and released her grip on my shirt to throw her arms around me. I gave her a soft smile before continuing with the song.

"_Life can show no mercy, it can tear your soul apart  
__It can make you feel like you gone crazy but you're not  
__Things have seemed to change  
__There's one thing that's still the same  
__In my heart you have remained  
__And we can fly, fly, fly away_

_Cause you are not alone  
__And I'm there with you  
__And we'll get lost together  
__Till the light comes pouring through  
__Cause when you feel like you're done  
__And when the darkness had won  
__Babe you're not lost  
__When your world's crashing down  
__And you can't bear the thought  
__I said baby you're not lost_

_Yeah yeah, yeah yeah  
__I said baby you're not lost  
__I said baby you're not lost  
__Yeah yeah  
__I said baby you're not lost"_

By the time I had finished the song; Rachel had completely stopped crying and was sniffling into my neck. I massaged her back gently as I continued to run my fingers through her hair. I let her relax into me for a couple more minutes before giving her shoulder a light squeeze and pulling away. "But seriously Rachel, you need to eat something." I turned to grab her food, but it had already gone cold. I sighed and put it back down, before standing up and helping Rachel off the bed. "Okay, since your soups cold, we can grab something to eat while we're at the mall. Now get out of that dress and put some clothes on."

"What? Why?" Rachel asked as she clung to her cardigan.

"You need some new clothes, listen I know you don't want to, but you need something you can actually wear."

"Santana, there's nothing wrong with my clothes." The brunette said, sitting back down on her bed.

"You mean there wouldn't be anything wrong with them if they were five sizes smaller. Now get dressed." Rachel slumped in defeat and pulled her cardigan off as I walked out of the room. "I'll be waiting downstairs, okay?" I turned and watched the brunette give me a small nod before closing the door and heading downstairs. I walked to the couch where Brittany and Quinn were sitting, and sat down in between them, resting my head on the cushion behind me. Quinn took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"I never thought of you as a Michael Bublé fan." The shorter blonde said with a smirk.

"Yeah, well I never thought of you as an eavesdropper." I grumbled as I sat up. "Get your shit together, were going to the mall." Quinn let go of my hand and looked at me in concern.

"Are you sure that's a good idea Santana? I mean, she just got back from her dads' funeral."

"It'll be fine Q, she needs new clothes, and getting out will be good for her. Didn't she say they've been gone for like a month? She needs some fresh air." The blonde sighed in disapproval, but stood up to get her purse as Rachel came down the stairs. The diva was wearing oversized sweats and a hoodie. I smiled at her softly and took her hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. We walked out the front door and to my car, with Quinn and Brittany closely following behind us. I let Quinn drive, and Brittany take the front seat, while I sat in the back next to Rachel. The ride was quick and passed in silence, with Rachel's hand clinging to mine the entire time.

Once we arrived, we headed inside and searched for new clothes for Rachel. We entered the first store, and headed straight to the clothes. I choked back the tears as the diva effortlessly slid into a size zero, with room to spare. Six shirts, three pairs of jeans, two sweat pants, a pair of pajamas, and hoodie later; we headed down to the food court. We got in line to order, but about halfway through the line, a deep voice echoed Rachel's name from behind us. We turned around and saw Finn stumbling towards us, with his trademark goofy half-smile plastered on his face. I turned to Rachel and saw her features instantly brighten as he made his way towards us, and honestly, it pissed me off. I tried for two days to get some sort of smile from her to no avail, and he just shows up and she looks about ready to break into song. After all that he's done to her, and she STILL wants to be with HIM! I mean come on; we're talking about Frankenteen, man-child, bigfoot, the one who slept with someone, and then lied about it for months. Okay, that one might have been my fault, but still. Finn finally made his way to us, and awkwardly stood in front of Rachel.

"Hey Rach," he began shyly, rubbing the back of his neck, "Are you okay? I mean, you left Glee early on Friday, and you usually don't do that. And… are these three hurting you?" he asked, pointing to us.

"N-no." Rachel stuttered smiling up at Finn, "They're not hurting me, and yes, I'm perfectly fine." Pfft, perfectly fine my ass.

"Really? That's, that's good. But what happened to your sweaters and skirts? You're dressing different." I was about ready to slap him in the face. Dressing differently? That's all you noticed? What about how her usually tan skin is unusually pale, or the dark bags under her eyes, or that she lost like 30 pounds, or maybe, that's she's not taking an hour to explain everything? I thought you use to be her boyfriend, and you can't see that there's something wrong here?

"I, I'm just… experimenting, nothing else, just trying something new." Rachel answered nervously, bringing her arm up to brush the hair from her face. Unknowingly letting her sleeve drop a bit. I immediately noticed her slip up, and glanced at Finn. He was staring at Rachel's arm blankly, his mouth hanging open. Oh shit, he knows. Finn roughly grabbed Rachel around her wrist and yanked her sleeve up, revealing rows of deep gashes in her arms. Rachel looked up to Finn in terror, who was now shaking with anger. "F-Finn, I can explain…"

"You'll really stoop this low, just to get attention?" He growled in a dangerously low voice, "You really are an attention whore, aren't you?" He yelled, roughly throwing Rachel to the ground. "You-You're crazy! You're a crazy bitch who'll do anything to be the center of attention. This isn't funny Rachel, and to think I was about to let you apologize, and be my girlfriend again. You're just another slut who will do anything for people's sympathy. God, you're so annoying. You're a sad, sad person Rachel, you know that? This is why everyone leaves you, nobody likes you. You're too fucked up and annoying!" Rachel was on the ground crying, clinging to her sleeve while Finn continued yelling at her. Before I could think, I was in front of Finn, slapping him across the face as hard as I could. The slap echoed throughout the food court, and everyone's eyes immediately turned to us.

"You better get the fuck away right fucking now, before I tear off your balls and shove them so far down your throat, they will come out your ass." I sneered, before punching him in the face and kneeing him in the gut. He staggered backwards and glared at me before turning and quickly walking away. I turned back around to see if Rachel was okay, but she was no longer next to us. And my keys were gone. "Shit," I mumbled under my voice, before turning to look at the exit. The brunette was running out the door with my keys in hand. I broke into a sprint and followed her, but I wasn't even halfway to the car when she jumped in, started the engine, and drove away. I turned back around in frustration, before seeing Puck exiting the mall with a confused look on his face. I ran up to him, and pinned him against the wall. "Give me your keys, now." I growled, as he looked at me in shock."

"Wait, wha-" he began, struggling beneath my grasp.

"Now, Puckerman!" I yelled, shoving him harder into the wall. He quickly dove his hand into his pocket and pulled out his keys, throwing them to me. I caught them before running to his car. Quinn and Brittany were right behind me as I shoved the key into the ignition and screeched out of the parking lot. No way we were catching up to her now, she was already a good five minutes ahead of us. I hit the steering in frustration before flooring the car, trying to get to her house as quickly as possible.

* * *

**Rachel**

I sloppily parked the car, before running into the house and slamming the door behind me. I immediately ran to the kitchen, and pulled out a knife, slashing three cuts into my arm. I couldn't feel anything; it was like my arm was totally disconnected from my body. I quickly added five more gashes, ending in the same result. Twenty cuts later, I screamed in annoyance, and threw the knife into the mirror shattering it to the floor. I was breathing heavily and losing blood rapidly through my arm. I tightened my grip on the counter. I just needed it to be over. I needed to stop feeling. I slowly turned to the medicine cabinet, before running to stand in front of it, and throwing it open. I hastily grabbed the bottle of pills and unscrewed the top.

* * *

Sorry it took so long to update, had a lot of crap going on. Just a couple things to say. Might not be able to update for a while, parents are being mean. Go check out my poll on my page. It's for my other story, but it would mean a lot if you answered it. I really hate Finn, so expect lots of Finn bashing. Song is "Lost" by Michael Bublé, go check it out, it's a great song. I could totally picture Santana singing it. Thanks for all the great reviews guys, keep them coming. Tell me what you want to see happen :)


	11. Help

Might be my last post for a while, depends on who gets to my grades in the mail first tomorrow, me, or my parents. And this chapter is a little gross, just a warning.

* * *

**Santana**

I ground the gas pedal further into the bottom of the car floor, and cursed at the car for not moving faster. I whizzed pass an old lady, walking her dog across the street, and ran over at least four cats, recklessly trying to get back to the house. As soon as we arrived at Rachel's house, I jumped out of the car and ran inside. I was about to run upstairs before noticing that he kitchen door was wide open. I could see shattered glass covering the floor, and I sprinted into the kitchen, finding Rachel downing a glass of water, with an empty bottle of sleeping pills rolling around in front of her. I stood in shock for a moment, and heard Brittany cry out behind me, and without thinking, I ran to her side, picked her up around her waist, and ran into the bathroom, followed by Quinn and Brittany. Brittany was openly sobbing, and Quinn had gone pale as a ghost. I dropped the diva onto her knees in front of the toilet and held her hair back.

"Okay Berry, you know what to do." I growled, throwing the lid open and positioning myself behind the diva. Rachel slowly shook her head as she rested her arms on the seat of the toilet. "This isn't funny midget, I'm not fucking kidding; I will shove my fingers down your throat if I have to." The brunette inhaled sharply, but had no intentions of moving. "I swear to fucking god Rachel, if you don't purge that shit up right fucking now…" I whispered in a low voice, but was cut off as Rachel whimpered softly. "Oh for fuck's sake!" I yelled, as I rose off of my knees, and opened her mouth with one hand, shoving my other hand into her mouth, and forcing my fingers into the back of her throat. Rachel immediately started gagging, and leaned further over the toilet, desperately trying to move my hands off of her face. She was clawing at my arms while she continued to cough over the toilet. Quinn was right behind me, grabbing her arms and pinning them to her sides as she tried to wriggle out of my grasp. The bile began to rise in her throat as she leaned further into the bowl and threw up noisily. Brittany had moved into the hallway, obviously unable to take what was happening. I winced as her muscles clenched violently beneath me, but kept my fingers firmly in the back of her throat. Most people would be beyond grossed out about this, but hey, my dad isn't one of the most respected doctors in Lima for nothing. I didn't move my hands until I was positive Rachel had emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet, and was dry heaving over the bowl. Once I had let go of her, the brunette collapsed on top of the toilet, her breathing ragged, and a thin layer of sweat covering her forehead. I flushed the toilet with my elbow, before standing up to wash my hands in the sink. Quinn gently picked Rachel up and sat her against a wall, before unzipping her hoodie, and sliding it off. I grabbed a wash cloth and soaked it in cold water, before returning to Rachel's side and gently wiping her forehead. "Don't you ever fucking try to pull anything like that again, got it Berry?" I growled, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her protectively into me. The brunette whimpered and buried her head into the crook of my neck. I sighed in exasperation and rubbed her back soothingly, before standing up, and hoisting her into my arms. I carried her out of the bathroom, up the stairs, and into her room before gently setting her on her bed and lying down next to her, wrapping my arms securely around her and letting her sob into my chest.

"You-You're not mad?" Rachel choked out, calming down a bit.

"Trust me Berry, I'm mad as hell, just not at you." I replied calmly, rubbing her back soothingly. "I'm not mad at you, but that doesn't change the fact that you just attempted suicide." I pulled away from her, and looked into her deep brown eyes in concern. "Rachel, this is getting way out of hand. We were lucky this time, and we were able to get that shit out of your system before having to call an ambulance, but if we did have to send you to the hospital, you'd have to get your stomach pumped, and trust me, I've seen it enough times to know it hurts like hell." Rachel looked down in shame, and tears began tracking down her cheeks. "Listen Rachel, I just don't think that me, Quinn, and Brittany can do this on our own. I think you need someone else to help you through this, someone who can give you a lot more than we have to offer." The brunette looked up at me in fear, and tightly grabbed onto my hand.

"You're leaving?" she asked in a shaky voice, her voice cracking.

"What? No! I told you I wasn't going to go anywhere, didn't I? What I meant is, I think you should let my parents help you." Rachel tensed and looked up at me with pleading eyes.

"No, no more people, I-I'll try harder, just don't tell them. Don't tell anyone. Please!" Rachel begged, nuzzling back into my chest. I looked down guiltily, and stroked the diva's hair.

"Funny thing, you see, my mom kind of, actually… knows?" Rachel pushed away from me and looked at me through watery eyes.

"W-what? How?" she asked, her voice trembling as she tightened her grip on my hand.

"She was asking questions, and I couldn't think of anything to say and it sort of just… I'm sorry Rachel, I really am, it was an accident. But she could really help if you let her."

"But-but…" The brunette's bottom lip began to tremble, and I pulled her back into.

"Just think about it, okay?" I asked softly, as Quinn and Brittany got under the covers next to us. Rachel nodded her head, and I took a deep breath. We fell into a comfortable silence as Quinn wrapped her arm around my waist and Brittany crawled in behind Rachel. "I thought you didn't have a gag reflex?" I asked curiously. I felt the diva slightly smile into me.

"I thought I didn't too, guess I just wasn't trying hard enough," the brunette mumbled weakly.

I felt Rachel struggle to get out of bed, but I held her in place. "Get some sleep Rach, it's been a long day." I mumbled into her hair. The diva relaxed into the bed next to me, and I relaxed into her warm embrace. My eyes began to droop, as I let rise and fall of Rachel's chest lull me to sleep. I smiled, and was just happy to have the diva in my arms. The funny thing was, if you would've told me four days ago I'd currently be falling asleep with Rachel Berry in my arms, I'd punch your lights out. But now, there's no place I'd rather be.

* * *

Sorry for the shortness, I promise I'll update as soon as I get a chance, hopefully soon, need more votes on that poll guys! Please? And keep reviewing! They make my day :) Seriously, they make me like a thousand times happier.


	12. Hospital

Sorry for taking so long, busy schedule, three failing classes, you know how it is.

* * *

**Santana**

I was jerked out of my deep, peaceful sleep by the sound of Brittany's shrill scream, shortly followed by Quinn's loud "Oh my god!" I drowsily opened my eyes and looked down at Rachel who was surprisingly still asleep, undisturbed by the loud shrieks. I looked up at the clock at on the side table, 12:32 am. I groaned and glanced up at Brittany and Quinn who had backed up against the wall and were looking at Rachel in horror. I gave them a questioning stare, before lifting my hand to wipe the sleep from my eyes, but for some reason my arm was sticking to my side. I glanced down at my side, and my eyes widened as I saw Rachel's arm draped over my side, her sleeve, my shirt, and the bed beneath us drenched in blood.

"Holy shit!" I yelled loudly, grabbing Rachel's shoulders and shaking her violently. "Rachel, Rachel wake up." After getting no response I began to panic. I felt for a pulse, and the relief flooded over me as I felt the slow beat, but the panic set back in after noticing it was barely there. I quickly sat up on my knees, straddling Rachel, beginning to hyperventilate. I rubbed my hands together quickly and closed my eyes. "I'm sorry about this Rach," I whispered quietly, before raising my right hand, and bringing it down as hard as I could against her left cheek. I flinched from the sting in my hand, but what hurt the most was seeing that it had no effect on the diva. I repositioned her head so she was facing me, and slapped her again, but even harder. I almost started crying in relief as I felt Rachel tense beneath me. She groaned and slowly opened her eyes, before immediately squeezing them shut.

"Why's the room spinning?" she slurred, bringing her hand up to her head. "And why does my cheek hurt? Why am I all sticky?" She slowly opened her eyes, and saw me still on top of her. "Why are you straddling me?" Without answering, I grabbed her around the waist and hoisted her over my shoulder. I carried her into the bathroom and sat her on the toilet seat; she looked up at me in confusion, which quickly washed away, turning to surprise as she caught sight of the blood on my shirt. "Santana, you're bleeding!" She yelled, still slurring her speech.

"That's not my blood, Berry," I replied as calmly as I could, kneeling in front of her and pulling her shirt over her head. The dried blood on her sleeve stuck to her arm, and I braced myself before ripping it off. The brunette winced and looked up at me in horror. I got a wet towel, and began to clean the blood off her arm. Rachel's eyes widened in pain, and she bit her bottom lip, emitting a soft whimper before squeezing her eyes closed. After wiping the blood away, I was able to the twenty brand new cuts engraved into her arm, still bleeding profusely. I held the towel back up to her arm, and pressed down, trying to slow the bleeding. "Dammit Rachel! Why didn't you tell us about this before we went to bed?" Rachel opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Her eyelids began to flutter and she brought her free hand up to her head, and shut her eyes tightly. Her body began to shake, and she took a trembling breath before going completely limp and falling to the floor unconscious. I kneeled down beside her, pressing the towel firmly onto her arm. I checked her pulse and felt it begin to fade. I turned to the two blondes, and looked at them pleadingly through teary eyes. "Call an ambulance," I whispered hoarsely, trying to regain control of myself as I desperately struggled to stem the flow of blood from Rachel's arm. Brittany hastily pulled out her phone and dialed 911. She held the phone up to her ear as tears streamed down her cheeks. She began rambling incoherently into the, and I quickly yanked it out of her hands and held it up to my ear. "Get an ambulance here now," I demanded shakily through the phone.

"Ma'am, you need to calm down, where is your location?" The woman on the other side of the line asked. I quickly gave them Rachel's address, continuing to press the towel into her arm. "What's the current situation?" she asked me calmly.

"There's so much blood," I cried through the phone, close to hysterics, "I can't stop it, there's too much."

"An ambulance will be with you momentarily." The woman finished.

I hung up the phone and tossed it back to Brittany. I felt for Rachel's pulse again and sobbed loudly after not finding it. I let go of Rachel's arm, positioned my hands over her chest, and pressed down firmly. I counted to thirty out loud, in between sobs, continuing the chest compressions before tipping her head back, pinching her nose, and bending down, placing my lips over hers and blowing slowly. I felt her chest raise as the air entered her lungs before exhaling a second time. I began crying as I pulled away, thinking that this might be the last time I'll ever be mouth to mouth with Rachel Berry. I did thirty more chest compressions before delivering two more rescue breaths. Quinn was next to me, wrapping the brunette's arm in the now blood filled towel. I began sobbing even harder as I felt her pulse return. I continued breathing slowly into her mouth before the paramedics made their way into the house, up the stairs, and into Rachel's room. They placed to paddles on her chest and pulled me away from her. I flailed in their arms, trying to return to Rachel's side. They delivered a shock, and her heartbeat returned to normal. I collapsed on the ground in relief as they lifted her onto the stretcher and rushed downstairs. I got onto my feet and ran downstairs, following Rachel into the ambulance with Quinn and Brittany by my side.

Once we entered the hospital, the paramedics rushed Rachel to a room. I was about to follow them in, but I was stopped by a group of doctors, saying only family would be able to visit, and of course they paid no attention when I started screaming at them, informing them that her family was in fact dead. I stomped into the waiting room and threw myself onto the couch, sobbing loudly. Brittany sat down beside me and rubbed my back soothingly.

"It's all my fault," I cried loudly, "I should have checked last night! I'm so stupid!"

"You're not stupid Santana," Brittany comforted softly, "It's not your fault, none of us knew, but she's going to be okay now, we're just lucky we caught it before morning, that could have been bad."

I waited on the couch as the hours dragged by before a doctor with a clipboard entered the room and readjusted his glasses.

"Who's here for Rachel Berry?" He asked, scrunching his nose and squinting at the loads of people in the waiting room. We shot out of their seats and ran to the doctor. "Ms. Berry is asking for a… Ms. Santana Lopez?"

"Me!" I yelled loudly, shooting my hand up, the doctor nodded, and turned to walk down the hall, motioning for me to follow. I ran to his side, cursing silently at the slow pace he decided to walk at. We finally arrived at room 204, and I thrusted the door open, revealing Rachel curled into a ball on her bed, her small frame shaking. She lifted her head to look at us, her eyes were red and swollen from crying, she had dark bags under her eyes, and she had thick bandages covering both her arms. My heart broke at the sight, and I ran to her side and engulfed her in a huge hug.

"I'm so sorry, it's all my fault, I should've told you" she whispered softly, her voice trembling.

"Hey, it doesn't matter okay? All that matters is that you're okay now." She nodded and I tightened my grip around her. We finally broke apart after the doctor loudly cleared his throat.

"Rachel doesn't have any too major injuries, just pretty severe blood loss, and a good sized bruise on the side of her face. Do you have any idea how that happened?" the doctor asked, turning from his clipboard to look at me. I looked down at Rachel and saw a perfect hand-shaped bruise covering her left cheek. I blushed and looked down guiltily.

"Well, I was trying to get her to wake up after I found her, and I wasn't really thinking straight…" The doctor looked back at his papers and began scribbling furiously.

"I see, well Ms. Berry should be clear to leave tomorrow evening, is there a legal adult that can sign her release papers?" Me and Rachel turned to each other and locked eyes. I could see the fear instantly light up in her features. Oh shit, this was going to be a problem.

* * *

Sorry if it's not that good, writers block sucks, you know?


	13. AN

**A/N:**

I'm really sorry for the lack of updates :( I've had some much unexpected, complicated things pop up in the last few months, that I'd rather not share with the public. I promise I will continue with this story, as for my other story, I think I'm just gonna trash that one. I'll update when I can, but it may be another month or so, again, I'm really sorry, and I hope you understand. Thanks.

And yes, I did change my pen name.

~iwillnameyousquishy


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